What were you thinking. (Conclusion)

Posted on Thu May 30th, 2019 @ 8:16am by Lieutenant Commander Amber Quinn & Captain Ka'Tock & Lieutenant JG Paris Deville
Edited on on Sat Feb 1st, 2020 @ 4:44am

873 words; about a 4 minute read

Mission: Caverns of the mind
Location: Conference Room

OLD

She looked back up at him.

NEW

Paris let out a weak sigh, resisting the urge to ball out in tears, but his feelings were genuine. His emotions no longer blocked. It was centuries of pain and heart break escaping at once as he spoke in a soft tone. "Her name was Sarah. She wanted to be a pilot, just like her dad. It's all she ever wanted to be." He looked down slightly and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, as he clenched his fist only to release it slowly. "She was my first and only child. She was my little bird and she never to fly because she was taken away too soon." He looked up as a tear or two came down his cheek and hit the table. "So, you see, while I do miss her mother and some of the women who came after, I miss her the most because she never got to grow old and die. She never got to be what she wanted to be. I never got to walk her down the aisle or give her away. I never got to be a grandfather. I never got to see her take to the skies on her own. She had this enthusiasm about her that drove us crazy but make use feel so alive and kept us on our toes." He went quiet as he stared down at the table.

"And you never had other children?" she asked softly.

"No." He whispered softly before looking up at Amber. "No." Paris repeated, this time a bit more in a normal, and a bit broken, tone. "After her I was careful. I took precautions and became selective on who I was intimate with. I've had a few lovers who had children and I treated them like they were mine, but Sarah was the only one that was mine in blood and spirit."

Amber wondered why he hadn't tried again. She knew one or two El Aurians who did have children. Usually, however, once the grandchildren were grown they moved off to start over somewhere else. It wasn't a life she was familiar with, as he said, but she had an academic understanding of it. "And this is why you choose to be rude to everyone? To make yourself unlikable so you'll always be alone?" It wasn't meant to be accusatory, but she did want to know.

"No." Paris replied softly. "That came through time and repetition, but its not to say that that wasn't the moment that began it all." He wiped his tears away and cleared his throat. "I don't expect you to understand, nor are you expected to pity me over it, but its my experience that was spread over lifetimes and its not something you can truly know about from reading a book or watching old reels. Okay? Its my life. My memories. My mistakes and triumphs. My secrets and my own personal history. I've touched the lives of many people, and they've touched mine, but none as strong and as permanent as her."

Amber was trying to be sympathetic, to show a small measure of understanding, but he kept shooting her down, so she nodded and said nothing.

Paris let out a sigh before replying. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so defensive but its difficult for me because I have to go through it all and remember things that are painful sometimes."

"Tragic loss is an individualize thing to feel and no one can tell how you feel but you." Ka'Tock said calm and supportive. "But to say we cannot understand is a mistake; we cannot fully understand your pain is true. However; tragic loss of anyone close has some universal similarities in that it is a severe pain to feel. I understand your pain and acknowledge you hurt and it is sad to know. But I will ask that you at least know that there are sympathetic ears if you wish to talk or just someone to have a hearty drink that we all need sometimes. I have lost by tragically friends and a loved one, so I can empathize with the feeling in a way." He nod. "I also see you have dealt with it your own way ; I might suggest being a bit less stand-offish but that is you. I respect your skills and experience and that is why I wish you to be part of the crew, hat is the bottom line of all this. I need a good Helmsman, be that and I will not pry any further I assure you.""

Amber hadn't lived for hundreds of years, but she'd had her heart broken, and she'd felt betrayed. But she wasn't ready to share that with anyone but her counselor.

"My record speaks for itself, in case you don't believe my words, but when the time comes you'll see it for yourself." Paris replied softly. "And Thank you. I'll keep it in mind."

She nodded.

"Now that we understand each other you are dismissed." Ka'Tock said as he sat back in his chair.

OFF

Lt. CMDR Ka'Tock
Commanding Officer

Lt.CMDR Amber Quinn
Executive Officer

Lt. JG Paris DeVille
Chief Helmsman

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