What were you thinking. (Continued))

Posted on Thu May 30th, 2019 @ 8:13am by Captain Ka'Tock & Lieutenant Commander Amber Quinn & Lieutenant JG Paris Deville
Edited on on Thu May 30th, 2019 @ 8:17am

1,586 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: Caverns of the mind
Location: Conference Room

OLD

"Those are my rules and will be followed, no exceptions. "Off duty you are free to speak freely."

NEW

Paris moved his hand to his pocket, feeling the pocket watch inside, as he closed his eyes. He was silent for a moment, as if remembering something, smiling for a second before losing it. It was like he cringed from pain, even his mental wall, was strong enough to keep that painful feeling from being read. His eyes opened quickly as he stood up and slammed his hand on the table, Gizmo leaped from his shoulder and onto the table, as he looked sharply to the Captain. "Let's get something straight, Captain. I didn't ask to be here, any more then you wanted me to be here, so let's not pretend like this is going to be a smooth transition like turning on the lights to a room. We both have to get used to each other, but let's not pretend that I am here for anything else other than to fly and keep me in the constant view of a Starfleet Officer. Like I said, Sir, I've played the role of dutiful Starfleet Officer and I did it as well as anyone so its not like this is new to me. I've been away for a long time so it takes a bit of getting back into the flow of things. I can assure you, that once I get in it, you will find me to be much more tolerable."

Amber watched him carefullyl, trying to read his body language as well as his surface thoughts.

He looked around at the two before letting out a deep breath, looking down to his friend. "Sorry buddy. Didn't mean to scare you." Paris held his hand out toward Gizmo who chirped slightly before walking over and placing his head in Deville's hand. As he pet his friend he looked up to the two and kept a firm and serious look. "My style may seem a bit unorthodox and take some getting used to, but don't let my appearance fool you. I'm an El-Aurian whose been around and I've seen and done things neither of you have even considered long before you were a thought in your parents eyes. My skills and experience will come in handy, and I am true and loyal to those I consider friends. You may not like me, but you'll find, I come in handy when things get tight and I can do more than just pilot a craft and steal a trinket here and there. I took a gamble on coming back to Starfleet because, the other option, put me in a place where I would be surrounded by people who wouldn't hesitate to end me. All I am asking is you took a gamble too. If you find its too risky then send me on my way and I'll disappear. Chances are you may never see me again. The choice is yours because I can't be trusted with that kind of option because I know what I would choose and where I would go."

"Your skills and experience may come in handy, but if you make it so intolerable to work with you, you won't get that chance," Amber said, still watching him intently. "The choice, as you say, is yours. Speaking for myself, I don't expect you to act like a perfect gentleman. I do expect you to have some semblance of decorum while on duty, as Commander Ka'Tock said. Even you should know when to control yourself. Just like everyone else on this ship, your personal life is personal, but your on-duty performance affects all of us. Keep your tongue in check for the duration of your duty shift and we'll all be happier."

Paris looked down for a moment before looking up. "I'll let your two in on a little secret, that stays between the four of us, and I will deny it if it ever makes it out. I am the way I am because I've been through a lot. When you've gone through a long, long, lifetime you tend to see events repeat. You sometimes pull away from getting too close, because you know how it will end." He reached down and tucked his hand in his pocket, feeling the pocket watch again, as he continued. "Some of may kind are better at dealing with it, but I never found that balance. I tend to push people away, for the purpose of not getting attached, to avoid most of those events repeating. Neither of you know whats it like to watch someone grow up and die while you look nearly the same as when it all started. The anger in their eyes when they know they will die long before you did and you will move on, leaving them a memory, an after thought. Its painful, so I took steps, and those steps I became bad habits. You want me to hold my tongue, sure I will, but you need to remember where thats coming from first and its not always meant in an insulting or demeaning way."

"I understand how that an be." Ka'Tock said with a normal tone. "It is not unlike watching friends fall in combat; wondering why you survive and the knowledge in the next battle you will lose more friends." He continued. "All I ask is to act like an officer befitting your rank, perfection is a road and not the destination most think." He nod. "We all make mistakes and things that we wish we could change, those define us. You just have more definition than most. Just know that as a member of this crew you will always have someone to watch your back as you will watch ours. I hope that makes my definition of what I expect easier to define?"

"I'm a historian. I know how cyclical history can be," Amber said. "You just go through more circles than we do. However, you are not the only one to have your heart broken by people who didn't understand--or didn't want to. In your case, anyone you have a relationship with will know from the beginning that you will outlive them. If they get angry about that, it's their fault, not yours. They knew what they were getting into. Most of the time it' snot that simple. We either let ourselves become angry and bitter, or we move on and try to make something positive out of our lives. Your potential to do good is tremendous. But that, too, is a choice. You can't control what you do any more than we can, but you can control how you react to it."

"I don't want you to take offense, but knowing history and experiencing aren't the same." Paris replied softly as he reached into his pocket and removed the pocket watch. He placed it on the table, covering it slightly with his hand. "I've shared the skies with Amelia Earhart, Iris Louise Thaden, Jackie Cochran, and Bessie Coleman. Stood in the crowd the first time Hughes show the world the Hughes H-4 Hercules, the Spruce Goose, and watched her hit the skies for the first time for all about 26 seconds. 26 seconds of amazement and wonder all to prove it was possible. I've flown in formation with the Blue Angels and alongside the Tuskegee Airmen. I've seen time come and go and changes my name so many times I've forgotten my own birth name." He looked down at the pocket watch, uncovering it with his hand, as his eyes began to water slightly. "I'm sorry Lieutenant Commander, but its no where close to being the same." He slid the pocket watch across the table toward Amber, prompting Gizmo to jump of his shoulder and chase it. When the watch came to a stop he sat there looking at it, briefing looking over to Paris, before looking back to the watch. The Ferret nuzzled its nose against the watch before looking up to Amber with a soft chirp. "I don't regret having shared my life. I'm only heartbroken over one of them. One I miss with all my heart and not for the reasons you believe."

"No, lieutenant, reading about it is not the same as living it, but it does give me a small measure of understanding." She picked up the pocket watch and looked at Paris, one eyebrow raised in query. "I have no idea why you're heartbroken, either."

"Open it and find out if you really want to know." Paris said softly.

The pocket watch was gold and missing the chain that's usually associated with watches of that type. It hand some etching around it as well as a engraving of the US Air Force emblem on it. It wasn't a replica. It was authentic and kept in pristine condition. In fact, she could still hear the soft clicking of the gears from inside, which shown it still works after all this time.

She ran a thumb over the surface of the watch, then pushed hte the release to open it.

Inside the lid was a photo of Paris, a bit younger then he looked now in a pilots uniform for the era, and a young girl. She looked a bit like him and had a big smile on her face and a pilots cap on her head where was too big and slumped over slightly.

She looked back up at him.

TBC

RSS Feed