The Next Step

Posted on Sat Aug 26th, 2017 @ 9:20am by Lieutenant Commander Amber Quinn & Captain Daniel Westphalen

1,786 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Taking Wing
Location: Amber's Quarters
Timeline: Sometime after the Anomaly

It was late. But he rang Amber's bell anyway, waiting outside her quarters and hoping against hope that the corridor would remain deserted until she answered.

Amber couldn't sleep. Too much was going through her mind, too many things she needed to resolve within herself. When the door chimed, she startled. Who would be calling on her at this hour? She put down the book she'd been reading and stood. "Come," she said.

Daniel stepped in, arms folded behind him. He looked pensive. "I thought we might talk?"

Amber was more than a little surprised to see Daniel. Her first thought was to tell him no, she didn't want to talk. Her second thought was more rational. She did want to know why he'd broken off their relationship. She picked up her book and moved it to the end table. "Please, Captain, have a seat. Can I get you something to drink?" she asked politely, carefully controlling her emotions. She wished she wasn't dressed so casually, but she hadn't expected anyone to stop by.

"You can still call me Daniel," he said, stepping into her quarters and letting the doors close behind him. "The nature of our relationship might have changed, but our past is still our past."

Amber nodded. She didn't trust herself to speak at that moment. She didn't want him to know how much she still hurt. It wasn't fair to him. He'd moved on, she didn't need to keep reminding him that she still cared.

She sat down on the couch and indicated that he could have a seat as well. That gave her time to breathe and compose herself.

"We didn't really talk about any of this," he said, settling in next to her. "And you're owed an explanation. The situation when the ship relaunched went so quickly, everything changed so drastically so quickly... we never had a moment to stop, or slow down.

"I want you to know that I still care about you. Very much. I know it won't be seen this way, but because I care about you is why I thought it prudent to distance myself, somewhat. I'm sure that makes tons of sense, but bear with me. I had a discussion with Admiral Hastings while on leave. It was a long one, in which she laid out the Aurora's future, my future, and ultimately, the crew's. The admiral was aware of our... relationship. Apparently in staff reviews from exiting crew from the Aurora, it had been mentioned. So when we reported in for refit and shore leave, the admiral saw to it to sit me down and talk about command, and where it leads."

Daniel frowned. "She pointed out to me, several times, that my connection to a subordinate officer could lead to conflicts of interest. She cited several examples - Captain Garvin of the Kansas giving up industrial replicators to the Maquis in order to retrieve her husband, the chief of security, from their clutches. Captain Tirol of the Crazy Horse leaving their patrol zone during the war when his girlfriend, the chief medical officer, fell ill. Even before that, with Captain Picard of the Enterprise and his chief of stellar sciences, back before the war. In short, Hastings was clear that this was going to cause us both issues - you more than I, since it's easier to transfer a non-command officer to a new ship.

"I can give you ten times as many instances of where it worked. Captain Picard and Commander Crusher, to name one," Amber said, trying not to let the anger she felt color her words. "History is full of instances of where someone did something illegal or foolish because of a spouse. A few instances in Starfleet only follows a general pattern, but they're the exception, not the rule." She ran a hand through her hair. "Did you know that the flagship of this fleet is commanded by a Commodore who is married to a member of her crew? They've been married for over five years and it hasn't caused any problems."

"I know that doesn't make anything better - I know that my acquiescing to anecdotal evidence of the conflicts of interest certainly doesn't make it better. But I thought back to our conversations about our futures, and I realized that if my goal was to spend my life out in the stars and yours was to eventually leave Starfleet and find a quiet place to raise a family, that any move I made to damage both of our careers only meant that one of us would be unhappy down the line."

"You should have asked," she said bluntly. "I would gladly stay on a starship to be with you. Just because I want something doesn't mean that's the best for me or where I'll actually end up. Life doesn't work that way. You take what life gives you and make the most of your opportunities." Or you walk away from something that could be really good because of some narrow-minded busybody of an admiral. Amber knew of several admirals that would be fine with a starship captain marrying one of his crew. Hadn't Admiral Burke supported several officers in the fleet? She thought so.

The captain sighed, looking helplessly at her. One hand reached out and grasped hers. "I admit some selfishness in wanting to keep you aboard, and lobbying for your promotion. But if I'm honest, one day, I want the Aurora to be yours. She and you have been fast friends since the first day I found you modifying the lab consoles, and I thought it more important to keep your career intact than to fall prey to my own emotional desires."

He let go of her hand, sitting back again. "So... I'm sorry for all the turmoil I put you through. I wish I hadn't, and I wish our first mission as the command staff didn't have this cloud over it. But I hope you can understand where I came from with this. Even if you don't agree."

Amber got up and began to pace the room. "I don't want the Aurora. I don't want to command. I like being a scientist." She ran a hand through her hair in a gesture of frustration. "I accepted the position because I thought it meant we'd be able to work together more. Since I came back, I've done more as a scientist than your First Officer. Ops is now doing the duty roster-yes, I noticed. I don't understand and I don't agree. But if this is what you want, I'm not going to stop you or force myself on you. However, I'm not going to accept your future for me. I don't want it. And I refuse to live without love in my life. If you don't want me, in time, I'll find someone who does." She had a hundred arguments she could couter with, and if she gave herself some time, she could find a hundred examples of relationships working. By his standards, you either never married, or you married someone who was planet-bound and only saw them when you had leave. Neither was an option she would accept. But it still broke her heart to hear why Daniel was walking away.

Daniel let out a breath. "I asked Iona for his opinion - he doesn't have the authority to make decisions of that caliber, but you mentioned concern about the role, so I..." He deflated, his gesture essentially taken the exact opposite way he'd intended, but defending himself seemed a lame attempt at justification, and he already felt as though his own thoughts were under fire, so he left the sentence unfinished.

He sighed, looking down at the floor. "If you'd prefer, I'll reach out to Starfleet command about a request for a new executive officer, and return you to chief of science. I can also figure out a transfer for myself, if that will make anything better."

"How would that make things better?" she asked. "You've already made it clear that the relationship is over. Now I just need to learn to live with it. My going back to science won't change anything. Your leaving won't change anything. In fact, if you leave, I will, too. I'm not going to let you sacrifice the Aurora because you think it will make everything better. You just need to give me time to grieve."

Amber paced the room again. She wasn't going to point out that if a Captain of a starship was going to break regulations because of a relationship with a fellow crew member, he could just as easily break regs because of a relationship with a civilian. It was more the personalities than the professions. But that was a fruitless argument. Daniel had made up his mind. He'd been extremely cautious when they first started dating. She thought they'd moved past that, but apparently not. She stopped in front of him. "Okay. I will not fight with you on this. Tell me what you want. I can stay as your XO as long as you accept that I will never take command, I can step down as your XO and go back to science, or I can transfer off the ship and we can go our separate ways. As the Captain of this ship, that is your right. But you do not have the right to dictate how I will live my life. I do not want to eventually have command of this ship to assuage your guilt. That's your future, not mine." It would take her a long time to get over him, but she would definitely try; to do otherwise would only drive her crazy. She could not--would not--live a sanitary life of work and duty without love and laughter, without someone to share her life with. One day, maybe. Right now, she just wanted him to leave so she could have a good long cry.

"Alright," he said with a nod. Daniel took a few steps toward the door. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. For everything."

Amber said nothing. Indeed, she'd said all she could, and probably more than she should. His career meant more to him than she did, and as much as it hurt, she was glad to know now rather than later. Still, she didn't know if she could stay on the Aurora. She'd try, but only time would tell. Perhaps the best thing she could do right now, for both of them, was make a clean break and transfer off the ship.

____
OFF

Captain Daniel Westphalen
Commanding Officer
USS Aurora

Lieutenant Commander Amber Quinn
Executive Officer
USS Aurora

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